January 3, 2013

Faces of the Future

Question for the day:

 How can it be HOT in Houston on Christmas Eve
and almost freezing on New Year's Eve. 


Cause this is Texas, silly.

Is that doggie someone we know?

Mommy was cleaning out our e-mails New Year's Day because it was too cold to do anything outside and she found this story somebody sent called "The Middle Wife" and got a kick out of it. Then she found another e-mail with pictures called "Faces of the Future" and got a kick out of it too. Both pretty funny, see what you think.

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher


I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along. 


HAPPY THURSDAY............Just Us Texas Dachshunds and the Mommy too


Molly The Wally said...

Those pix are BOL funny. Have a terrific Thursday.
Best wishes Molly

Lovable Lily said...

That has to be the best story my Mommy has read in a long, long time! She is laughing so hard the tears are coming down her face. The Middle Wife ~ LOVE it!

Lily Belle

Gloria Hood said...

Just hilarious today!!
Lovies, Miss Mindy

GOOSE said...

Very funny! And I really like that snow doggie.

Casey said...

BOL! That's a funny story and pictures! I always get a laugh here. :)

Texas weather sure is weird, isn't it? We may have snow tomorrow! I keep saying I want the cold to go away, but I don't want the HEAT to come back! Can't we have a nice happy medium?

harrispen said...

Thanks for the laughs today.

It's better to be warm one day and cold the next instead of the temps being in the teens and twenty's like around here.


The Websters said...

We love your funny posts!


Two French Bulldogs said...

So funny. Sounds like our weather
Benny & Lily

Murphy said...

BOL! Reminded mom of when she was a Den Mother and one of the cub scouts gave a detailed report of a new sibling! Great pics too!

Keep Calm & Bark On,

Murphy & Stanley

chicamom85 said...

That was a fun story and Mommy goes crazy for baby pictures.

Loveys Sasha